BEER IS GOOD!
by wolf with panther eyes
Summary: Arthur gets drunk and starts singing about the greatness of beer. Enough said.


I was bored... and I ended up typing this. Based on the song 'Beer is Good' by Psychostick... I recommend you listen to it while reading this fanfic.

* * *

"Arthur, I think maybe that's enough beer for one night."

Arthur staggered to one side, ale sloping out of his goblet onto the floor. "Buh, but Merlin, I feel fine."

Merlin stared at Arthur in surprise. "You sure? You've had tons already."

Arthur rested his arm heavily on Merlin's shoulder. His breath reeked of alcohol. "Y'know what, Merlin?" And to Merlin's shock and embarrassment, Arthur started to sing.

"I like beer cause it is good; I drink beer because I should. If there was a song to sing, I'd sing it and beer you'd drink!"

Merlin tried pushing Arthur away. "Arthur, please don't sing."

Not listening, Arthur raised his goblet and continued "I drink beer when I am sad. Cause the beer, it makes me glad. Now there's nothing left to sing, so let's go drink beer."

"Arthur, I really don't think you should drink any more…" Merlin made to grab the chalice from Arthur's hand, but Arthur lifted it out of reach. The young prince's eyes were narrowed as he leant towards Merlin's ear.

"BEER IS GOOD! BEER IS GOOD!" he yelled, bursting one of Merlin's eardrums. "BEER IS GOOD! AND… stuff!"

Wincing, Merlin screwed his eyes shut and covered his ears as Arthur kept shouting.

"BEER IS GOOD! BEER IS GOOD! BEER IS GOOD!"

"Oh, for the love of…" Merlin groaned.

"Let's go drink some… BEEEEEEEERRRR!!! YEAHHH!!!! BEEEREEEERRRRRRR!!! YEAHHHHH!!!! BEER!!! BEER!!! BEER!!! BEER!!!"

"Arthur, SHUT UP!!!" Merlin yelled back at his master. For a second, Arthur looked dazed, and Merlin tried to slow down the beating of his heart as he realised Arthur had finally stopped yelling.

Then Arthur took a swing of ale and started mumbling to himself. "When it's warm it tastes real crappy, but cold beer will make me happy. When I throw up on the floor, I can go and drink some more."

"You're not going to be sick, are you?" Merlin took some quick steps backward.

Arthur grinned sloppily. "They say beer will make me dumb. It goes so good with pizza."

"Umm… Arthur?" Merlin asked cautiously. "What's a pizza?"

Ignoring his manservant, Arthur downed some more beer and continued "Now that we have drunk some beer, let's go ride a horse."

"That's not a good idea," Merlin interrupted. "You'd make the horse crash into a wall or something."

Arthur scowled at him before taking a deep breath and shouting "BEER IS GOOD! BEER IS GOOD! BEER IS GOOD! AND STUFF!!!"

Merlin covered his ears again, frantically praying to anyone listening to stop Arthur's drunkenness.

"BEER IS GOOD! BEER IS GOOD! BEER IS GOOD! Let's go drink some… BEEEEEEEERRRR!!! YEAHHH!!!! BEEEREEEERRRRRRR!!! YEAHHHHH!!!! BEER!!! BEER!!! BEER!!! BEER!!!"

Arthur bashed open another tankard and let the ale flow into his goblet. Grinning maliciously, he tilted his head back and tried to drink everything all the beer in his goblet in one go.

"Err, Arthur?" Merlin said quietly, his ears still ringing. In one quick move, he snatched the ale-filled goblet off of Arthur. "I think you've had enough."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Arthur roared, leaping forward. He shoved Merlin to the ground and grabbed the cup, his face filled with triumph. He downed the rest of the ale in one go before wiping his sleeve across his mouth. "Let's go drink some BEER!!!"

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It was about an hour later when Morgana entered Arthur's chambers. Her eyes widened as she took in the scene before her.

Merlin was tied to a chair, his own neckerchief gagging him. Arthur staggered around him, grinning like a maniac while he poured beer over Merlin's head and sang "I am drunk; drunk is me. I am drunk, whooooo!!!"

Merlin's eyes caught Morgana's. The young manservant immediately began twisting in his chair. He tried talking, but all Morgana could hear was "MmmmmmMmmMmmm!"

"I am drunk; drunk is me. I am drunk, whooo!!!" Arthur kept singing, not noticing his servant's frantic pleading.

_Oh-kay…_Morgana thought to herself. Quietly, she slipped into the hallway, closing the door behind her. She leaned against the doorframe, wondering what to do.

Arthur's singing drifted through the door. "I am drunk; drunk is me. I am drunk…" He belched loudly.

Morgana finally decided to cover her ears and go to bed, leaving Merlin to his fate.


End file.
